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Computer
Problems
Tech
support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left side of the
screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it.
Customer: I have problems printing
in red.
Tech
support:
Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah...................thank
you.
Tech support: What's on your monitor now,
ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend
bought for me at Woolies.
Tech support: Your password is
the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, and the
number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital
letters ?
A woman customer called the
Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech
support:
Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to
the door. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and
his printer is working fine.'
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, " We
have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times.
But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?" One
child blurted out, "Aces!"
The Sunday School
teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of
salt,
when little Jason interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once, while she was
driving," he announced triumphantly,
"and she turned into a telephone pole!"
OLD AGE
Reporters interviewing a
104-year-old lady "And what
do you think is the best
thing about being 104?" the
reporter asked. The old
lady replied, "No peer
pressure."
I felt
like my body had gotten totally out of shape,
so I
got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club
and
start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics
class
for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up
and
down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time
I got
my leotards on, the class was over.
My memory's not as sharp as
it used to be. Also, my
memory's not as sharp as it
used to be.
It's
scary when you start making the same noises as
your
coffee maker.
These days about half the
stuff in my shopping cart
says, "For fast
relief."
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to
forget the people I never
liked, the good
fortune to run into the
ones I do, and the eyesight to
tell the difference.
Just
before the funeral services, the undertaker came
up
to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was
your
husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older
than
me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker
said,
"hardly
worth going home is it?"
This
bloke goes into a cemetery to pay his respects to a departed friend. He notices
a couple of young guys running to and fro to all parts of the cemetery,
shouting to each other and waving their arms around and pointing. Finally, he
has to say something so he approaches one of them and asks, “Why are you guys
carrying on so, running around everywhere”. The young man replied, “Don’t worry
sir, we work here. It’s just an extremely busy day”.
“Oh, that’s a relief” the man says, “I thought you’d lost the plot”.
This
week, My phone went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They
promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could
give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked,
"Would you like us to call you before we come?"
I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do
that, since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future
outages by email. I asked him, "Does YOUR email work without a telephone
line?"
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched!
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call
the local township administrative office to request the removal of the
"Deer Crossing" sign on our road. The reason:
"too many deer were being hit by cars and he didn't
want them to cross there anymore".
There was a painter by the name of Jock, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin his paint to make it go further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but
eventually the Town Council decided to do a big restoration job that
involved the painting of one of its biggest Churches. Jock put in a bid,
and because his price was so low, he got the job.
He went about erecting the trestles and setting up the
planks, and buying the paint and, yes, thinning it down with the
turpentine. Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away with the job
nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder,
and the sky opened.
The torrential rain washed the thinned paint off the
church and knocked Jock off the scaffold and on to the lawn, among the
gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless
paint.
Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the
Almighty, so he went to the Church Elders and confessed his wrongdoing and
asked "Gentlemen, what shall I do to make things right"
They looked at him sternly and said.......
Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!
Jimmy boy was driving along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, officer Shamus?" Jimmy boy asked. "Well didn't ya know, Jimmy boy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Shamus. "Ah, thanks be to God!" Jimmy replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"
On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
A three-year old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know the girls from the boys?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's written on the bottom".
Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet."
Judge: Well,
Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775.00
a week."
Husband:
"That's fair enough your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks
myself."
The cop got out of his car and the
kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all
day," the cop said gleefully.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
An elderly couple had
dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and
went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night
we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it
very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that
flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has
thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and
yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'
Three old guys are out
walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
A man was telling his
neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars,
but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
Morris, an 82 year-old
man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous
young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and
said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur, be
careful.'
There once was a fellow
from Yuma,
Who told an elephant joke to a puma.
Now his skeleton lies,
Under hot western skies,
The Puma had no sense of huma!
A news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady
because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life,
about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her
new husband's occupation.
'He's a funeral director,' she answered.
'Interesting,' the newsman thought. He then asked her
if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three
husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect
on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face
and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker
when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her
40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a
funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and
asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, 'I married one for the
money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.'
Doctor, Doctor I
think I'm a rubber band!
Why don't you stretch yourself out on the couch
there and tell me all about it!
Doctor, Doctor everyone thinks I'm a liar!
I can't believe that!
Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing double.
Please sit on the couch.
Which one!
Doctor, Doctor I keep seeing an insect spinning around.
Don't worry, it's just a bug that's going around!
Doctor, Doctor, I can't get to sleep.
Sit on the edge of the bed and you'll soon drop
off.
Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a woodworm
How boring for you!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bridge
What's come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm an electric eel
That's shocking!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a python
You can't get round me like that you know!
Definitions Not Found in the
Dictionary.....
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both
ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOUR: A place where women curl up and
dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes
hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in
conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging
the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies
better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped
off.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labour saving devices
of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have
character lines.
Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome". 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy".
Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my nose" "How's that?" "Don't you start."
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
( These were posted on an
Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the
website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour
........
)
Q:
I have
never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (
UK
)
A:
We import all
plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q:
Will I be
able to see kangaroos in the street? (
USA
)
A:
Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q:
I want to
walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (
Sweden
)
A:
Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q:
Are there
any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in
Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (
UK
)
A:
What did your last slave die of?
Q:
Can you
give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ?
(
USA
)
A:
A-fri-ca is the
big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross.
Q:
Which
direction is North in Australia ? (
USA
)
A:
Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll
send the rest of the directions.
Q:
Can I bring
cutlery into Australia ? (
UK
)
A:
Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q:
Can you
send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (
USA
)
A:
Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross, straight after the hippo races.
Q:
Can I wear
high heels in Australia ? (
UK
)
A:
You
are a British politician, right?
Q:
Are there
supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (
Germany
)
A:
No, we are a peaceful
civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal!
Q:
Please send
a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (
USA
)
A:
Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca
which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make
good pets.
Q:
I have a
question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind
of bear and lives in trees. (
USA
)
A:
It's called a Drop Bear.
They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of
anyone walking underneath them.
Q:
Do you
celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (
France
)
A:
Only at Christmas.
Q:
Will I be
able to speak English most places I go? (
USA
)
A:
Yes, but you'll have to
learn it first.
Mary received a parrot as a gift. The parrot was fully grown with a very bad
attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a curse: those that weren't
curses were to say the least, rude.
Mary tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite things.
Words and playing soft music...anything she could think of. Nothing worked.
She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook the bird and the bird
got madder and more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation, Mary put the
parrot in the freezer to get a minute of peace.
For a few moments she heard the bird swearing, squawking kicking and screaming
and then, suddenly there was absolute quiet. Mary was frightened that she might
have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot
calmly stepped out onto Mary's extended arm and said:
"I'm very sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions and I ask
your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior and I am sure it will
never happen again."
Mary was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask
what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken
did?"
This guy was lonely, and decided life
would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the
owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally
bought a centipede which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he
would start off by taking his new pet to a cafe to have a coffee. So he asked
the pet, "Would you like to go to Sam's cafe with me and have a coffee?"
But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited
a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going out to Sam's cafe and
having a coffee with me?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few
minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time;
this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey,
in there! Would you like to go for a coffee with me?"
A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on
my shoes."
Why did they bury the lawyer 20 feet in
the earth?
Because DEEP DOWN he was a nice guy.
Two little kids are in a hospital,
lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first
kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little
nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I
was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of
Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I
couldn't walk for a year!"
Three boys were bragging about their
fathers. The first one said, "My father runs so fast he can fire an arrow, start
running, and get there before the arrow!"
The second one said, "That's nothing! My father can shoot a gun, start running,
and get there before the bullet!"
The third boy just smiled. "That's nothing. My father is a civil servant. He
gets off work at 5 and is home before 4!"
If your dog was barking at the back
door and your wife knocking on the front door who would you let in first?
The dog. At least he would shut up once he's in.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the
circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now class, if
I stood on my head, the blood as you know, would run into it and I should turn
red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in an ordinary position the
blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A class member shouted, "'Cause your feet aren't empty."
The grandmother was curious.
"What trick is that my dear?" she asked.
The little boy replied, "I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the walls
if you came to visit us again."
A man had been driving all night and by
morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city
he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As
luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's
major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a
knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.
"Yes?"
"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the
car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled
back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window
and another jogger.
"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"
"8:25!"
The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by
and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To
avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window
saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep.
He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.
"Yes!" he
yelled, now really angry.
A trembling voice came..... "It's 8:45"
The man then turned to his wife and yelled "Shut up stupid!" The policeman
continued, "And just before the light I clocked you doing 50 m.p.h. and the
speed limit is only 30." His wife then leaned forward again and squawked "I told
him to slow down. But did he listen to me. No! He never listens to me."
And again the man shouted at his wife "Listen stupid, I told you to SHUT UP!"
The policeman then looked at the woman and said "does he always talk to you this
way?"
To which the woman responded, "Only when he's been drinking."
A woman gets home, screeches her car
into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of
her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. Yippee, I won the lottery!"
The husband says, "Oh! Wow! Fantastic! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?"
The wife yells back, "I couldn't care less... just get out!"
From A Not Too Bright Mother
With Love
Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from
your home so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here
took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change
their address.
This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it
works too well though.
Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen it since.
The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first
time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat
you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too
heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put
them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.
They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she
comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it
took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.
Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet,
so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your
sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was
driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were
in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
PS..... I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already
sealed.
THE LAWS
OF LIFE
Law
of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated
with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to go to
the toilet.
Law of
the Workshop - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible
corner.
Law of
Probability - The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of
the Telephone - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy
signal.
Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work
because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were
in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the
telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know
increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be
seen with.
Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine
won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theatre
- At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your
boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is
cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker
room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs/Carpets - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich
landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the
newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location - No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what
you are talking about.
Brown's Law - If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law -As soon as you find a product that you really like, they
will stop making it. (this one is true every time!)
Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to
the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had
married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old
neighbourhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so
they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved
"I love you, Sally."
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armoured car,
practically landing at their feet Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure
what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money,
...fifty-thousand dollars.
Andy said, "We've got to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it
in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighbourhood looking for the
money, and knocked on the door.
"Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armoured
car yesterday?"
Sally said, "No."
Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.
One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning"
Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday
. . "
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "Let's get outta here."
A man feared his wife Peg wasn't
hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.
Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss
the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could
perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her,
and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on
until you get a response.'
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the
den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.'
Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and
repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife
and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for
dinner?' Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'
'Frank, for the FIFTH time dear, CHICKEN!'
English Signs in foreign countries to make you laugh
In a
Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels. If you are not a person to do such a
thing please do not read this notice.
In a
Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is
being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be
unbearable.
In a
Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the
cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more
persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then
going alphabetically by national order.
In a
Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a
hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and
11 A.M. daily.
In the
lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet
composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
A sign
posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of
different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless
they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a
Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
In a
Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In the
office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an
Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.